gloomyI really hate having all these days off. I've been sleeping ten hours a day, and when I get up, I have no drive to do much of anything. I'm sure my depression is a big part of that, although I was making good headway before. I guess I'm just at that point where, if I take a wrong step, I could fall again. I got off those meds because they were causing serious trouble with my mind and body, to the point where it just wasn't worth it anymore. (Not to mention the expense, what with work cutting hours down to next to nothing....) Wish I'd known about some of the long-term effects of these things; but then, this is why I left certain doctors. I really don't trust doctors, not since my brother's accident eighteen years ago.
I think I'll go out tonight for a walk, under the stars; it usually helps.
I've actually had the urge to draw this past week. I got my sketchbook out, and was looking through my past work. I guess I'm not such a sucky artist after all, though I do need to improve my technique. I don't recall quite what happened... I think someone upset me, and I put my sketchbook away; never did draw....
I really think I'm too moody. I'm sure Tibble feels the same way. I'm sure I've been annoying him, what with me being so serious and all, all the time. I need to loosen up a bit. What gets me is, I wasn't always this way. At what point did I become so cynical? At what point, did I allow certain things to get my goat, to annoy me to the point that I feel I must either fight or flee?
That happened last night, when Tibble was playing a DVD of his gospel music. Grrrr, I just couldn't stand it, what with the two-faced "holier than thou" attitudes I've seen from many in my life. I know I shouldn't attribute those feelings across a broad group. I guess I'm just annoyed at the arrogant loud-mouths, whom I'm sure exist among any given group of people. I just wish people would stop being so filled with hate, arrogance and ignorance. Of course, I'm naive to think that anything will change. Well, at least I'm trying to change myself; maybe that's any of us can do. Even that's not easy, though.
