Autumnfox (foxymoonheart) wrote,

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Just... frustrated

Warning: Excessive ranting. I normally don't do LJ cuts, but I think it's best in this case.

Disclaimer: The following is just a need for me to express before I explode. Please don't take it personally.

I wonder why I allow myself to be used, manipulated by others. I mean, I know I have a bad tendency to just care too much about people, even though I'm totally inept and incapable of really helping them. It's just, when I know someone is lying to me or avoiding an answer, or blaming me for their own problems which existed before I came around, or trying to pretend things we talked about are something completely different to serve them some kind of advantage... It's just ticking me off. What's the point of caring and listening, when those feelings are only one-sided? Maybe I scare people sometimes -- people aren't used to someone actually giving a damn; I've actually gotten that one before. Instead, they dwell in their shallowness, sex-addicts, glamor-whores, people who are willing to harm others to make themselves look good. People suck. And that includes myself. I suck because I keep giving these people chances, because I'm so damned naive. I love people, I really do. There are at least a half dozen people whom I would would, without hesitating, give my life for if I knew it would really improve things. That's just my nature, and I know I'm "strange" in this world of excessiveness, self-centeredness, and materialism. I just wish certain people wouldn't consider me a second-class person just because I actually care about people, and not their popularity, not their sexual appeal, but instead, for what's hidden deep inside them. Maybe I should just stop caring. Heh, I've tried, it's not my nature. I care too damned much, but I just can't keep doing this....

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