Autumnfox (foxymoonheart) wrote,

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Work work work

Tonight's my last night of work before my "weekend". I really want to do things tomorrow, but I've no idea what. I'm quite open to suggestions!

We also got a pair of new bosses a week ago. Last night I learned that the new bosses want to use the actual schedule (which has been messed up for the past two months...) instead of allowing people to work their normal shifts (which they were allowed to do under the old boss, who knew the schedule had been screwed up by the HR head). What this means is, I'll be cut from 32 hours to 24 hours a week now. I understand work is still hiring permanent people too, meaning that after Christmas, I'll be lucky to get 16 hours a week. As much as I hate job hunting, I may not have much of a choice anymore.

Some days, I wish I could just move to a farm or whatever, just do my own work and live off the land, instead of working for someone else. I know I work really hard, but I never feel any sense of real accomplishment. I'd really like to see some serious results from what I do, instead of working my buttocks off with nothing to show for it. Maybe part of me is yearning for something simpler, something more real, more direct. Something with a deeper connection to the natural world, which I think would be excellent for both my body and my spirit. Well, I'd love to try it anyway, though I doubt I'll ever have the chance to do so.

Well, life goes on, of course. Mentally I'm doing alright. I'm just tired and sore, all physical stuff. I've started eating a little better again, and slowly getting into a workout routine again. It's difficult, since the best time for me to workout is right after work, and that's tricky since I have roommates that I don't want to bother. I'd go to the gym, but it's not open until several hours after I get home; I'll admit that I do lose motivation if I don't do something immediately after work, probably just because I'm so tired.

My sleeping schedule is still pretty erratic. All attempts to get myself settled are proving futile. On average I sleep about five hours a day, taking into account all the tossing and turning I do; not to mention how long it takes me to actually fall asleep after getting into bed (about an hour to an hour and a half, usually). I'm guessing that my melatonin and serotonin levels are seriously out of whack, which affects not only my sleeping patterns, but also my stress levels (hence, I need to be mindful of these, just in case). I'll have to find out what I can do to get those back in relatively working order.

And then of course there's other projects I want to work on, yet again with the motivation issue. I think it's interesting just how much effort I put into work which is effectively meaningless to me (except as an income), and how little I put into my personal hobbies which used to mean a lot to me. I think I need to work on my priorities, or at least to start seeing my own needs as just as valid as the needs of others (in this case, my workplace). Of course, growing up as I did, taking care of my invalid brother, then later working as a nurse, well, you can guess that I'm just not used to taking care of myself, heh.

Gotta change my mind, I think.

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