I've been confused an awful lot the past few days, in case anyone who's been reading my LJ couldn't tell, heh. Life can be funny like that, though. I'm still wondering where I'm supposed to be, really. I suppose many folks don't really know the answer to that one. Anyway, I'm trying to focus on just being happier. I'm actually seriously tempted to take up the pencil again and draw. It's been years since I quit, right after my whole airbrushing business fell through the tubes, and most of my existing artwork was destroyed by my business partner's wife at the time. I'm just happy that my ex in Australia still has my best piece of existing artwork.
Well, I suppose it's pointless to dwell in the past, really. I want to do art again, something in my soul is craving it. Maybe I should start small, with poetry. Mmm, I remember the nights I wandered deep in the woods, filtered silver light of the moon drifting down between the tree branches. Such a magickal time, so beautiful, so powerful to me. I need to wander the night more, I think that would help. I miss being out under the moon and stars. And the sea, great heartbeat of the earth....
I went to South Hampton Beach with Eddie yesterday. We didn't stay long, but it was still a wonderful time. I realize now how I miss the ocean. I remember when I used to work for Hannaford, and how often I'd stop by the a small, unknown beach on my way home and just watch the sun rise over the water. For me, there was more meaning in that, than there is in the whole of my life. It always made me smile, even if I wasn't happy with my life, it just gave me hope. Nature's always done that for me, I guess that's why it's the closest thing I can recognize to "God".
Well, I could go rambling on and on, but I know I should head to bed if there's any way I'll make it to work tonight. I'm still wondering if I should consult my doctor, consider taking more time off until I fully recover. I honestly probably shouldn't be driving, my difficulty in perception being as it is. Well, I'll see how I'm feeling after I wake up.